Funkaar
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- Join Date: January 31st, 2018
Location: Luxembourg
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10 Apr, 2018 at 1:40 pm #29I have been very lucky that what I believed to be about upbringing has been adequately demonstrated rapidly on this thread. Good upbringing stays with us for the rest of our lives even if we court bad company. Equally, bad upbringing never allows us to change even if we are lucky enough to have friends with good upbringing in our later life.
I feel that I have nothing more to add on this topic.
10 Apr, 2018 at 12:36 am #19Yes love without passion is just a likeness. I want to separate two because in our society love means Ashiqui between girl and boys (Ashiqui between boy and boy was not common in my time..LOL). I call passion when someone is in love other than Ishq. Hum to nakam ashiq they so: کسی بیوفا کی خاطر یہ جنوں فراز کب تک جو تمھے بھلاچکا ہے اسے تم بھی بھول جاؤI meant to ask. How do you write Urdu?
10 Apr, 2018 at 12:10 am #17Funkaar, you are a new addition and I forgot to welcome you in my previous post as I was in a hurry to go out this morning. Welcome on this forum; looks like you will be a very useful addition to this forum. Thread you have started is very good topic as well. I want to go to Ishfaq Ahmad’s program “Zavia” where he mentioned that human personality is dependent of three factor like a triangle: (1) Environment (2) Family background (home upbringing) (3) Love or passion First two points are self explanatory and we have discussed here already. Ashfaq Ahnad says that if a boy start loving a girl and the circumstances are that he has to prove that he is worthy person. He will go all out and a special motivation will provide him much needed boost. I will add my point from my end that passion is another factor. If you are generally not good in study but you are amazed to see pilot in an exhibition and your inspiration to become pilot will be a great motivation to become pilot. This third factor is a rare case and exceptional case.Thank you Awan for your welcome. Ashfaq was right. Love or Passion? Aren’t they interchangeable? I would say there cannot be any love without passion.
I once fell in love with a girl in mohalla living in the house opposite mine. I was a student then. All my efforts to impress the girl were concentrated in my studies and do well in the exams as the results will be known by every one in my street. Ashfaq sahib was spot on.
As a poet once said
Yaad-e-maazi azaab hai ya rabb
chheen lay mujh se hafiza mera
9 Apr, 2018 at 11:49 pm #16گھر کا ماحول ایک بچے کی اپ برنگنگ میں کلیدی اہمیت کا حامل ہے، باپ کے سخت گیر روئے کی بدولت بچے اس سے دور رہتے ہیں اسطرح ایک جنریشن گیپ پیدا ہوجاتا ہے۔۔۔اسی طرح اگر باپ کا رویہ بچوں کے ساتھ دوستانہ رہے تو یہ ان کی تربیت کیلئے انتہای اچھا ہے۔۔۔۔ بعض گھرانے دیکھے ہیں جہاں بچپن سے ہی بچوں کی تربیت کا خاص خیال رکھا جاتا ہے۔۔۔بچوں سے جھوٹے بہانے نہیں کئے جاتے ، بچوں سے پیار کیا جاتا ہے مگر لاڈ پیار میں انہیں کسی دوسرے بچے سے مارکٹای کی اجازت نہیں دی جاتی۔۔۔بچوں کے والدین ان کے سونے اٹھنے کھانے پینے اور پڑھنے اور کھیلنے کے اوقات کی خود نگرانی کرتے ہیں ، ایسے بچے دوسرے بچوں کی نسبت زیادہ ڈسلپلنڈ ہوتے ہیں اور لائف میں کچھ نہ کچھ بن جاتے ہیں، دوسری طرف لاڈ ہیار میں اپنے بچوں کو بگاڑنے والے والدین اکثر بڑی عمر میں بچوں کے مسائل کا حل ڈھونڈنے میں گزارتے دکھای دیتے ہیںYour very first sentence captures the essence. I would pay special attention to how parents talk to each other. We don’t give much credit to children but they are a very clever and intelligent lot. They take on board how father and mother converse and conclude whether the parents love each other and or they respect each other. I have observed/experienced that if husband addresses his wife as “Aap”, the very young son takes notice of that and when he himself is married that is the normal way he addresses his wife. This is so despite the fact that no one instructed him. This is how important the home atmosphere is.
I read somewhere that from 1 to 11 years are the formatting years of the children. If they have been looked after until then i.e taught the rights and wrongs then they will never go astray.
Oh, there is so much more that I would like to add but…..
9 Apr, 2018 at 7:25 pm #13Everyone agrees that atmosphere plays a vital role in your upbringing but there are exceptions. I was brought up in a Muhallah of Lahore consisting of mostly under grade 10 and some totally uneducated. I was a polite person but my friends were verbally abusive and loud guys but it never impacted my personality. There was no doctor or Engineer from my Mohallah. Due to my polite and gentle personality no one like to abuse me even in fun. Later on in college my friendship turned to educated people and I was the first Engineer from my mohallah. The point I want to make that sometime inner nature is more dominant than environment.(The point I want to make that sometime inner nature is more dominant than environment.)
To me the Inner nature you mention is a combination of a person’s nature well complimented by the upbringing. No doubt the environment does have its influence but in my opinion, good upbringing overcomes any possible influence of adverse environment. Is it not proof enough that despite having company of abusive people, you never became abusive but your upbringing influenced others not to be abusive to you. I dare to say that them not being abusive to you was also part of their good upbringing as well.
9 Apr, 2018 at 6:33 pm #11کچھ لوگوں کی ۔۔۔۔ اپ برنگنگ ۔۔۔۔ اتنی کمزور ۔۔۔ فضول بھی ہوئی ہوتی ہے کہ ۔۔۔ ان کو اپنی بات کہنے کے لیئے ۔۔۔۔ جعلی آئی ڈ یز ۔۔۔ کا سہار لینا پڑتا ہے ۔۔۔۔I agree. This is precisely what I meant. Upbringing is obvious.
9 Apr, 2018 at 6:22 pm #9So very true, Sir
Sibling influences might result in emotionally intense reactions. Younger siblings to an extent are groomed by elder brothers or sisters if any are present but will never be as effective as, or a replacement for a motherly love that you preferred; were lucky to procure and that sort of changed your life, I might say.
Thank you.
Went away to shed a tear or two.
Indeed, it changed my life and for the better. I recall being told. Don’t tell lies, don’t use abusive language, don’t get into fights with other boys. and many more don’ts.
And that is why I believe that good upbringing keeps one in good stead for the rest of one’s life. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
9 Apr, 2018 at 5:25 pm #7Thanks to you too, Funkaar
Where I spent my early childhood was a convent. Behavioral management was considered more effective and a norm than corporal punishment or allow me to say they never believed in corporal punishment.
A punishment might result in anger, rebellious behavior and alienation from a caring parent therefore is not advised while discipline steers a child to a positive change or could be focused on a desirable future behavior.
I entirely agree.
I used to be very fond of outdoor sport and my elder brother dish out punishment for spending too much time in playing and not enough on studying. I got used to the punishment and more and more time in play ground. But my mother, like all mothers in the world, sat me down and explained the importance of studying for my future. I understood that and one day my mother was proud of me for my academic achievement.
9 Apr, 2018 at 5:13 pm #6It may be true in some of the cases but can’t be made a rule Children of same parents react very differently to one situation where their upbringing by parents would almost be same and then a person who is obnoxious now may not be so some years down the road or conversely one may be cool and calm now for a certain situation but may act aggressively for same situation some years later in his life. Parent upbringing constitute only a small part of human behaviour, then human mind develops according to his surroundings, circumstances and so many other variable factors.Thank you for your response.
Of course, it cannot be set as a rule but it appears to be true in most of the cases.
In your example, one of the children of same upbringing may be obnoxious compared with the other which suggests different levels of temper. I wonder the child who is obnoxious will become abusive if his upbringing is not to be.
I will give you my personal example. I was brought up never to be abusive. In my life there have been many an a cases where I wanted to be abusive towards my opponent and even in anger and despite having a huge vocabulary of abusive words, I could not bring those words to my tongue. I could imagine my dear departed mother wagging her finger in the negative. I can only describe it as upbringing.
Yes, indeed one can be short tempered when young and mellowed down when mature in age. That tends to happen irrespective of upbringing.
9 Apr, 2018 at 4:53 pm #4Welcome aboard Funkaar….
“Most of one’s personality traits are acquired during childhood.” (Unknown)
By disciplining me, my parents induced self discipline in me. When I was a child they restricted my choices, but not freedom to get what was right; this was, as a matter of fact a favour in disguise. Because of what they did for me, shaped me to what I am now.
Thank you.
I hope by “disciplining” you did not mean Corporal Punishment. Your comment just confirms what I believe to be the case.
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